To The Mother Of A Middle School Boy Who Got Upset at The Middle School Girls At The Pool For Telling Her Son He Was Hot

I’m tired of the mentality expressed in the latest blog by blogger Kristen To The Middle School Girls At The Pool Who Told My Son He Was Hot. The same attitude that shames women for behavior encouraged in boys, or at least defended. No, women are not disrespecting themselves because they are showing skin or making advances on men, and it’s not their job to keep anyone’s son’s pure.

Her boy in the pool was probably shirtless,  yet the author has the hypocrisy to comment on the girls bikini (if mistaken, my apologies, at least there is congruency). Misogyny is alive and well when an otherwise social justice writer has the audacity to write such a shameful post that propagates language that encourages violence towards women.

As a mother of a thirteen-year-old myself, my job is to teach my son to reject not women, but the beliefs that put them down.

Dear son,

Women are not bitches because they speak up. They are not disrespecting themselves because they are showing too much skin. They are not dumb if they are pretty, but they are not ugly just because they don’t conform to magazine beauty.

My son, please don’t objectify women, but do appreciate them, learn from them, be their friend. Listen, don’t judge them. They are valuable, and like all humans they got a story, respect it.

Women are not drama queens.  They are humans who get to express their feelings freely (newsflash: you are too, and it will make you a better human if you learn to express them as well).  If you feel tempted, it is because YOU ARE A SEXUAL BEING not because they are “too something,” DEAL WITH IT and remember there are consequences of which you are responsible for.

Treat women with respect and fairly. But remember, you were not placed on this earth to be their judge, their saviour or their knight. And if you really want to be a man of character become a feminist.

He’s far from knowing this well. He’s only thirteen. My son will make many decisions that do not represent who I am and what values I want for him. He is his own person after all, and some lessons will be lost to him. Just like any lessons the parents of this girl might have tried to pass on to her (Assuming she’s not been taught “better” is a terribly judgemental thing to do).

Now I know that WE ARE THAT FAMILY (The name of Kristen’s blog) stands for “we are that family that judges other families and will have no problem judging your daughter and will be too blind to recognize that my son’s response was too cruel towards a middle school girl BECAUSE I teach my son to show contempt to women… And I am boasting that he’s learning the lesson well.”


What My Bike Has Taught Me About White Privilege

When I use the word “privilege”, I don’t mean that people, in general, shouldn’t have a smooth ride.

When I use the word “privilege” I acknowledge that not everyone experiences it.

It’s not about guilt; it’s about joining in to challenge systems that favor some while oppressing others.

Read below a fantastic metaphor for what privilege means for those oppressed, using a bike and a city not made for riding.

A Little More Sauce

The phrase “white privilege” is one that rubs a lot of white people the wrong way. It can trigger something in them that shuts down conversation or at least makes them very defensive. (Especially those who grew up relatively less privileged than other folks around them). And I’ve seen more than once where this happens and the next move in the conversation is for the person who brought up white privilege to say, “The reason you’re getting defensive is because you’re feeling the discomfort of having your privilege exposed.”

I’m sure that’s true sometimes. And I’m sure there are a lot of people, white and otherwise, who can attest to a kind of a-ha moment or paradigm shift where they “got” what privilege means and they did realize they had been getting defensive because they were uncomfortable at having their privilege exposed. But I would guess that more often than…

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