God Size Dream

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

Ever since I was a kid I knew I wanted to be a writer. On sixth grade this dream was fed by a little bit of competition with one of my best friends and academic rival: Monica. By the time we were in Jr. High we even made a bet of who would win a Nobel Price or a Pulitzer. We were very young and naïve; But profoundly in love with Spanish literature.

We went to different high-schools and it was during this time that our dreams changed. I was to be a lawyer. It happened gradually as I began reading Plato and I found out I enjoyed the pursuit of truth and justice and crafting arguments. I still wanted to write, but also to be able to earn a living and keep my independence as a single woman.

At the end of high-school, I was admitted to law school and not just any law school, but to La Escuela Libre de Derecho, one of the most prestigious schools in Mexico. Still, at 17 I began having second thoughts, I was going through inside turmoil and insecurities of an adolescent carrying scars of a broken childhood. I didn’t feel prepared to take that new step. I was spinning without real direction.

My step-dad  and my mother encouraged me to spend a year with their relatives in United States. The plan was for me to learn English, and then return with a clearer vision of what I would do next. School would wait for me, while my acceptance letter guaranteed me a Visa.

 God is the Composer. Your life is His musical score. God is the Artist.

Your life is His canvas. God is the Architect. Your life is His blueprint. God is the Writer. You are His book.  Mark Batterson, Draw the Circle

 That trip altered forever the course of the life I had planned for my self.

It was in the United States that I became a Christian. Despite growing up with a Catholic background, I was a unapologetic agnostic veering towards full-on atheist. And it wasn’t that people didn’t share their faith with me before; my best friend is Christian and she tried (although she mostly focused on Catholic to Christian conversion when I wasn’t interested in either option). I believe I couldn’t hear because my ears were clogged with hate and resentment. I sensed that if I had survived  for so long,  it was up to me to make things better for myself. I wanted to believe I was intelligent enough and capable enough to work through whatever was sent my way and the idea of God seemed like a superstition that would only get on my way.

But Jesus pursued me, found me and changed me.  He created in me new dreams and new hopes.

I’ll share my testimony with more detail another time. Probably is worth noting I never went back to live in Mexico and I also didn’t ended up studying Law.

When I enrolled for the first time in College in the United States I had to take many English classes, only to be able to start taking College level classes. I still remember with amusement the face of my counselor when I said I wanted to major in Journalism. His job was to tell me that it was a really bad idea; perhaps I would be more interested in a Chicano Studies degree. In order to be admitted into the Journalism program at State, I would need to pass a nearly impossible test.

It wasn’t until the third attempt I passed such test. And kept onward. I graduated with a major in Journalism and a minor in Economics from SDSU– A small feat for many, a gargantuan for me.

After graduation I remember telling God, well thank you, I got it from here. At the same time He told me, give it to me. I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to understand. But a seed was planted that would take three years to germinate.

Like I’ve said before, I love journalism. It’s at the essence of me. I don’t discard a career in journalism, but for now God has given me a new dream. In retrospect He had been working early on at the heart of who I am, at the core of my talents and as I work to hone and acquire new skills He keeps prompting me. That’s why when the opportunity came with Amor I took it. I knew it was a God dream. And the dream has grown that now I can’t imagine doing anything else.

While I’ve not raised the monetary support I need to work with Amor, some doors have started to open up in that regard, and I pray more people decide to partner with me and believe in my calling within the organization.

In the meantime I am writing, again. For now even if the only story I have to share it’s mine, I’m writing. With each word my writing becomes more coherent, more full of faith. I’m discovering the voice He gave me, to use for the job He has ahead for me.

And I no longer want to be independent. I like living in interdependence with my husband, family and friends and to be completely dependent in Him.

As for Monica, she studied computer science and has written in the sidelines, poems, and short stories. She’s a mom of a beautiful daughter and has created a beautiful family and I’m sure in her way she’s living her dreams.

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