To The Mother Of A Middle School Boy Who Got Upset at The Middle School Girls At The Pool For Telling Her Son He Was Hot

I’m tired of the mentality expressed in the latest blog by blogger Kristen To The Middle School Girls At The Pool Who Told My Son He Was Hot. The same attitude that shames women for behavior encouraged in boys, or at least defended. No, women are not disrespecting themselves because they are showing skin or making advances on men, and it’s not their job to keep anyone’s son’s pure.

Her boy in the pool was probably shirtless,  yet the author has the hypocrisy to comment on the girls bikini (if mistaken, my apologies, at least there is congruency). Misogyny is alive and well when an otherwise social justice writer has the audacity to write such a shameful post that propagates language that encourages violence towards women.

As a mother of a thirteen-year-old myself, my job is to teach my son to reject not women, but the beliefs that put them down.

Dear son,

Women are not bitches because they speak up. They are not disrespecting themselves because they are showing too much skin. They are not dumb if they are pretty, but they are not ugly just because they don’t conform to magazine beauty.

My son, please don’t objectify women, but do appreciate them, learn from them, be their friend. Listen, don’t judge them. They are valuable, and like all humans they got a story, respect it.

Women are not drama queens.  They are humans who get to express their feelings freely (newsflash: you are too, and it will make you a better human if you learn to express them as well).  If you feel tempted, it is because YOU ARE A SEXUAL BEING not because they are “too something,” DEAL WITH IT and remember there are consequences of which you are responsible for.

Treat women with respect and fairly. But remember, you were not placed on this earth to be their judge, their saviour or their knight. And if you really want to be a man of character become a feminist.

He’s far from knowing this well. He’s only thirteen. My son will make many decisions that do not represent who I am and what values I want for him. He is his own person after all, and some lessons will be lost to him. Just like any lessons the parents of this girl might have tried to pass on to her (Assuming she’s not been taught “better” is a terribly judgemental thing to do).

Now I know that WE ARE THAT FAMILY (The name of Kristen’s blog) stands for “we are that family that judges other families and will have no problem judging your daughter and will be too blind to recognize that my son’s response was too cruel towards a middle school girl BECAUSE I teach my son to show contempt to women… And I am boasting that he’s learning the lesson well.”

What My Bike Has Taught Me About White Privilege


When I use the word “privilege”, I don’t mean that people, in general, shouldn’t have a smooth ride.

When I use the word “privilege” I acknowledge that not everyone experiences it.

It’s not about guilt; it’s about joining in to challenge systems that favor some while oppressing others.

Read below a fantastic metaphor for what privilege means for those oppressed, using a bike and a city not made for riding.

Originally posted on A Little More Sauce:

The phrase “white privilege” is one that rubs a lot of white people the wrong way. It can trigger something in them that shuts down conversation or at least makes them very defensive. (Especially those who grew up relatively less privileged than other folks around them). And I’ve seen more than once where this happens and the next move in the conversation is for the person who brought up white privilege to say, “The reason you’re getting defensive is because you’re feeling the discomfort of having your privilege exposed.”

I’m sure that’s true sometimes. And I’m sure there are a lot of people, white and otherwise, who can attest to a kind of a-ha moment or paradigm shift where they “got” what privilege means and they did realize they had been getting defensive because they were uncomfortable at having their privilege exposed. But I would guess that more often than…

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Creating our Family Mission Statement

Family Mission StatementMy family is taking part on Amor’s Advent daily devotional to prepare for Christmas.

The first disruption for 24 Days of Disrupt was to “Create your Family Mission Statement.” ‪

It was weird at first, but after watching the videos on the blog, it became a lot less intimidating.

We used the family rules poster we have for ideas; lingo from the ‪7 habits that Mia has been learning at school, and took turns answering questions about what is important for us. We put it all together in a beautiful sentence that little D created.

We also added and defined some values that are important for us.

It reads:

“We will serve God through life’s journey with humor, compassion, love and respect for one another.”

Respect: Listening, seeking to understand, caring and serving one another.
Humor: Laugh at ourselves, see life with optimism add jokes and fun.
Compassion: Think of others and reach to those who are hurting.
Adventure: Seek experiences, try new things and don’t be afraid to fail.
Affection: Kind words, hugs, snuggles, and besos.
Family: Time together.

We hope this will continue helping us create a family culture that will help us guide us in the same direction during the holidays and on years to come.

12 things white people can do now because Ferguson


On Ferguson… “His death isn’t tragic because he was a sweet kid on his way to college next week. His death is tragic because he was a human being and his life mattered.”

Originally posted on Quartz:

As we all know by now, Michael Brown, an unarmed black teenage boy, was gunned down by the police while walking to his grandmother’s house in the middle of the afternoon. For the past few days my Facebook newsfeed has been full of stories about the incidents unfolding in Ferguson, Missouri.

But then I realized something.

For the first couple of days, almost all of the status updates expressing anger and grief about yet another extrajudicial killing of an unarmed black boy, the news articles about the militarized police altercations with community members and the horrifying pictures of his dead body on the city concrete were posted by people of color. Outpourings of rage and demands for justice were voiced by black people, Latinos, Asian Americans, Arab American Muslims. But posts by white people were few at first and those that I saw were posted mostly by my white activist or…

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Without Love there is no Generosity

“Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.”- Proverbs 19:17

Generosity it’s about giving out of love, not out to mitigate guilt. When we love we give abundantly, when we feel guilty we make excuses.

This article of why we need to stop giving to the poor our leftovers does an excellent job explaining how and why we should give:

Dear World Stop Giving Our Crap to the Poor 

This article highlights two facts:

* We should care for other countries’ Industry and Development.


* The excess of junk we accumulate and feel the need to dump to the poor should remind us how much we are spending on ourselves. If we limit consumerism we’ll find out how much more we have to give.

So much easier said than done.

Our culture is designed to makes us feel like we are the ones lacking and must fill that void (With one more latte, a nicer car, a new nail polish, brand name clothing, a diet pill, a nicer gym, a bigger house, a better vacation, the latest gadget, the next best seller, etc.) effectively letting us forget that indeed we are wealthy beyond belief.

If love permeate everything we do, it will flow out of ourselves and make us truly generous. It is a journey.

World Habitat Day – Numbers and Stories of a Global Problem


Tijuana-view (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

While numbers help us understand problems, most of us can’t really grasp the staggering statistics on slum housing — defined “as lack of durable housing of a permanent nature that protects against extreme climate conditions and sufficient living space, meaning not more than three people sharing the same room. ”

To explain those statistics in a way we can wrap our heads around it, Nick Rawson, Amor’s lead data analyst (a.k.a. numbers genius) does a great job here .

Visiting the slums of Tijuana in weekly basis and talking with the families we build homes with has made it more and more obvious that the problem is multifaceted, but the one thing that has in common with the problem of housing around the world is that Tijuana is a refugee city.

Like other refugee cities around the world, the vast majority of residents come from other states in Mexico  escaping poverty, violence, and famine. In recent years the population has grown even at a faster speed due to deportation due to immigration policies implemented by the current administration in United States.  These families are trying desperately to make a life in this city and while development isn’t catching up to meet their needs, they are here to stay because going back is not an option.

Amor Ministries partnered with the local church to reach those in need. One house at a time a life of a family is transformed. And while we don’t have all the answers we won’t sit down while we can build hope.  #comebuildhope